Tiger Temple

One of the reasons I went to Kanchanaburi in the
first place was because I’d heard about somewhere
called Tiger Temple. An American couple had described
it as a sanctuary; a rescue centre run by monks who had
apparently taken in some tigers from zoos and drug dens
and the like, and were giving them a better life.

I suppose I should have listened to the two Thai people
who had told me it wasn’t a nice place, but I thought
maybe they had some kind of ulterior motive, only don’t
ask me what.

I hired a bike and off I went, onto the highway that I’d
been on a couple of days before, and which I knew
would lead me in one long straight line all the way to
the temple. A half hour later, I realise I’m not on the
right road, but figure it’s too late to turn back, so I just
keep driving. An hour after that, I’m in the middle of
nowhere, nothing but farmland for miles around,
completely lost, but feeling optimistic about finding
my way back onto the main road.

Then I start smelling rubber, and the back tyre goes
flat. I keep driving along at about 3mph until I see a
little Thai house set off the side of the road, so I pull
into their yard to see if they have any inner tubes lying
around, which they don’t, not that it would have made
any different anyway, because the entire tyre, inner
and outer, is shredded. Bollocks.

There’s a little old Thai man and his wife sat outside
the house, who assume I need gas and start fussing
around with a petrol container. I do some pointing,
and they get the general idea, and then this old Thai
guy starts speaking pretty good English, and tells me
to sit down and wait, and he’ll go fetch his friend,
who I guess is a mechanic or something.

20 minutes later a truck pulls into the yard, we
load the bike up, and drive a few miles back the
way I came to what is essentially a junk yard. They
don’t have a spare tyre, so the mechanic guy buzzes
away on his motorbike to track one down.

The little Thai guy is hovering by my side the entire
time, constantly talking about how he learnt English
because he likes to help foreigners. I must say, I was
pretty impressed. He told me he practised English every
day, and I imagine he couldn’t believe his luck when I
turned up on his doorstep. He made me recite months
and days to him, and correct his pronunciation, and then
I made him do the same for me in Thai, and he was very
impressed indeed that I knew my days of the week!
Yeah, some use it was learning that.

Anyway, an hour or so and 500 baht later and the
other guy has successfully tracked down and fitted
my new tyre, and I’m free! Well, sort of; my new
friend starts insisting that I come back to his house
with him to see his ‘sculptures’ and to watch him
play his Spanish guitar. Is that what they’re calling
it these days? I kindly decline, and get out of there
quick sharp, kob khun ka-ing all the way.

I start wondering whether I’m just not meant to go
to this Tiger Temple place, and start thinking about
cutting my losses and heading back to Kanchanaburi,
but I’ve been pointed in the right direction, so I decide
I might as well check it out.

To cut a boring story as short as possible, I wish I
hadn’t gone. You get dragged round by the arm and
told to kneel down next to the tigers while they take
your picture. I found the whole thing really
uncomfortable and awkward, and how anyone could
have found it otherwise completely baffles me. But
everyone seemed to love it. One Australian guy told
me he’d found it ‘exhilarating’, and nobody seemed to
suspect that the reason the tigers were so conked out
could be down to drugs.

After the picture taking farce, you can take your time
wandering around the rest of the park, where they have
some younger tigers which you can pet, and a few
other animals. My favourite was a tame deer, which
was all licky and lovely.

I had a long conversation with a young Australian
volunteer, who had been there 9 months and had
since packed up her home and moved out permanently,
but I had the distinct feeling I was talking to a robot, like
she’d been brainwashed before she’d been allowed to face
public interrogation.

I headed to the exit with a group of people, who asked me
which bus I'd come on. I told them I'd come on a bike and
the reaction was hilarious. They were like, what you came
ON A BIKE all the way from Kanchanaburi!? You know
there are WILD TIGERS out here right?

Hahaaa, actually, no, I didn't know that, but thanks for
making me look super badass. They all loaded onto
their respective buses, and I imagined they all watched
in awe as I zoomed away on my motorbike.

Anyways, I went, I saw, I won’t be going back.